“I can not live like this!”

IT isn’t as easy as I thought it would be the first time I step with the decision to do what I do now. Though it’s still of no improvement, I am still having heavy weight on my right side of my consciousness that everything will be okay. Though I might want to change that thought now, I am still holding on to the fact that I made a choice. A choice that distinguished me from the rest. And if I rescind that, I might as well demoralize myself.

I know that everything is not easy. You can not expect that things would run smoothly like you have nothing to lose… but the thing is the more you go through it, the more you’ll find that, you wanted an easier path for you to walk on. You just want things to jack up easily.
Again, I was forced to have this feeling again, “Jahn, your old enough, you’re 25! Get up now, or you’ll miss it all in one go!”. I just get to know that another childhood friend of mine was just married couple of weeks ago.
Now, don’t get me all wrong, party people! I’ve no intention of ending my sweet cupcake life for a taste of apple pie with a wife and a kid in my kitchen. No, no, no! Not quite yet!
The thing that I am concerned about is just that at the age of 25, them other boys I used to play soccer (the least sport ever of my forte!) with when I was little had already married. How could they? Obviously, they’ve a steady financial ability. A good life to be frank and, there… they’re all grown up.
And… no, but here I am… being just a typical ‘jack-of-all-trades’, good but not good enough to reach ‘great’! Total up, I feel miserable. Of myself.
Ya Allah, forgive me that I complaint too much… I know that this life You’ve given me is the best for me… I shouldn’t be too ungrateful, such disgrace of myself… Astaghfirullah.
So, again… I am faced with a difficult decision that I can not easily say , “Should I get out of here?”, “Should I try something new?”, or “Should I just call it quit?”… those questions exist in my head and it’s killing me… although the answer is subjective and varies, it will just respond to one thing, “I can not live like this!”

Emil: Now on, I would just tell you to do whatever you think is right for you, dude.
Jahn: And when, even myself doubt what’s best for me… what should I do?
Emil: Ask from THE GREAT LORD above…

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